Why paying a prostitute is better than paying a psychiatrist

1. When you pay a prostitute $100 / hour, you get a 60 minute hour.
2. You know what and who you're getting into.
3. You know who and what you're getting out of.
4. Even if you wanted to kill your father and sleep with you mother, you can make real progress with a prostitute before you feel compelled to admit as much.
5. A prostitute is not trained to assume that every client wanted to kill their father and sleep with their mother.
6. A prostitute knows that most of their clients wanted to kill their mothers.
7. A prostitute knows that most of her clients merely wanted to talk with their father.
8. For reasons 6 and 7 above, a prostitute will listen very carefully and knows she has a professional obligation to be non-judgmental.
9. Even if a client has killed his father and slept with his mother, a prostitute won't ask how he felt about that.
10. A prostitute knows her job is not to get her client in touch with his feelings.
11. With a prostitute, you won't have to get a prescription after the session is over.
12. With a prostitute you don't argue about the need for prophalaxis; you use it willingly.
13. When a presotitute says “thanks for sharing that with me,” you know that she is not secretly disgusted with you.
14. You have every reason to believe a prostitute is secretly disgusted with you before you start your session. With a psychiatrist it takes longer to come to this realization.
15. You often think a prostitute is worth more than the agreed price.
16. You look forward to your next session.
17. If you miss a session, it really was an emergency.
18. If you know that you can't make a session you make very real efforts to let a prostitute know you're going to miss the session.

19. You have no qualms about recommending a prostitute to a friend or business associate.
20. You get what you ask for, even if its not what you want.
21. You get what you want even if its not what you need.
22. You get what you need even if its not what you asked for.
23. What are considered bizarre sexual maladaptations in the psychiatric literature are considered pretty normal (and frequently quite fun) to a prostitute.
24. Private insurance won't pay for the sessions.
25. You'll never be involuntarily committed to a whorehouse.
26. You benefits won't run out after 30 days or $10,000.
27. After you've paid for the services, you can leave a whorehouse anytime you choose to.
28. You don't need a second opinion.
29. When you choose to get a second opinion, you won't need a third opinion to break the tie.
30. Your wife will never commit you to a whorehouse.
31. When a prostitute has an orgasm, she's faked it.
32. A prostitute won't recommend you to multi-family group therapy. You'll have to come up twith that angle yourself.
33. If you don't want to get fucked on the couch, you don't have to.